1. Don't miss the boat.

2. Don't forget that we're all in the same boat.

3. Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.

4. Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone might ask you to do something REALLY big.

5. Don't listen to critics, just get on with what has to be done.

6. Build your future on high ground.

7. For safety's sake, travel in pairs.

8. Two heads are better than one.

9. Speed isn't always an advantage; after all, the snails were on the ark with the cheetahs!

10. When you're stressed, float a while.

11. Remember that the ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic was built by professionals.

12. Remember that the woodpeckers inside are a larger threat than the storm outside.

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THE REFORMATION POLKA

By Richard Gebel

(Sung to the tune of "Supercalifragilistic-expialidocious")

When I was just ein junger Mann I studied canon law;

while Erfurt was a challenge, it was just to please my Pa.

Then came the storm, the lightning struck, I called upon Saint Anne.

I shaved my head, I took my vows, an Augustinian! Oh...

Chorus

Papal bulls, indulgences, and transubstantiation--

speak your mind against them and face excommunication!

Nail your theses to the door, let's start a Reformation!

Papal bulls, indulgences, and transubstantiation!

When Tetzel came near Wittenberg, St. Peter's profits soared.

I wrote a little notice for the All Saints' bull'tin board:

"You cannot purchase merits, for we're justified by grace!

Here's 95 more reasons, Brother Tetzel, in your face!" Oh... (Chorus)

They loved my tracts, adored my wit, all were exempleror.

The Pope, however, hauled me up before the Emperor.

"Are these your books? Do you recant?" King Charles did demand.

"I will not change my Diet, sir. God help me, here I stand!" Oh...

(Chorus)

Duke Frederick took the Wise approach, responding to my words,

by knighting "George" as hostage in the Kingdom of the Birds.

Use Brother Martin's model if the languages you seek.

Stay locked inside a castle with your Hebrew and your Greek! Oh...

(Chorus)

Let's raise our steins and Concord Book while gathered in this place

and spread the word that "catholic" is spelled with lower case.

The Word remains unfettered when the Spirit gets His chance,

so come on, Katie, drop your lute and join us in our dance! Oh...

(Chorus)

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

---

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

---

And the worst of the bunch:

These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a Small florist shop to raise the funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. He asked his mother to go and ask the friars to get out of business. They ignored her too. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest, most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close shop. Terrified, they did so-thereby proving . (Are you ready for this?) That Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

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